Just let go

Have you ever felt trapped? Like your life is a room with boring white walls and the walls are simply closing in?

Now here is where rebellion comes in. We fight against all rules and regulations and, in my case, you stay out later than usual and behave like I never usually do, even if it just for one night.

I do not consider myself a "party animal", but those who know me know I'm slightly insane at times. I can dance on a whim, I can rock my body when nobody's looking and I can drive guys crazy if I really try. But this isn't the me everyone knows. It's a part of me I prefer to keep locked away.

I have tasted the freedom of letting go, being insane, not caring what anyone thinks and then falling back to earth: thinking what the???

Sometimes I wish I could just let go, be both, two sides of the same coin. But I am scared. I do not like the other me that much. I don't know her. The shy me can only be care free for so long. And it's not an act. It's not fake. I just can't be both.

Animal me takes a back seat to proper me with doses of crazy now and again. Perhaps it's better this way.

Liefde is eintlik 'n pyn

Liefde, die L-woord. Dit is huge, dis awesome en dis 'n pyn.

Wat my lelik kan omkrap is mense wat die woord sommer so rondslinger asof dit 'n "hallo" is. Dit is 'n diep, alles-wat-ek-is-en-besit-is-joune-tipe ding. Dit is nie iets wat jy na 'n week of 'n maand vir iemand sê nie. Dit is 'n gevoel wat VIR EWIG hou en ongeag wat die omstandighede is, dit bly staan.

'n Wyse jong man het eendag vir my gesê: "'n Mens vind liefde net een keer. Dan moet jy klou met jou lewe!" Nou hier sit ek en wonder. Liefde, ek het jou al gevoel dans op my tong, ek het jou in my arms gehad en jy is van my weggeskeur. Nou dat ek jou verloor het, sal ek jou ooit weer vind?

En dit is die pyn. Daar is mense wat nagte wakker lê en nie kan slaap nie, want daar is 'n HUGE leegte in hul lewens. Ja, die Here se liefde maak alles heel, maar mens soek ook aardse toenadering. Iemand om jou vas te hou; jou te sus as die trane nie wil ophou nie. Daar kort daardie iemand.

Ek is 'n hopeless romantic en 'n ietwat verspotte optimis. Ek hoop vir die onmoontlike en droom verlore ideale. Ek dink dit is wat wyle oom William Shakespeare 'n "tragiese figuur" sou noem. En vir my verslaafdes, as jy dink JY het 'n dwelm beet, wag tot jy liefde ervaar! There's nothing like it...

Nou wens ek op verskietende sterre, fluister my ideale vir die maan en hoop die wind dra dit na gespitste ore...

The thing about addiction

Yes, addiction. There are so many forms: nicotine, alcohol, caffeine, self-mutilation and even an unquenchable desire.

But the thing about addiction is, in the end, we all know it's bad for you. Oh, but when you're on that incredible high, nothing else matters. You're invincible, you're idiotically happy, you're on top of the world and you're blissfully unaware of the consequences your actions will have on others or you just conveniently choose to forget.

When you take that overdue fall back to reality, the pain overwhelms you, you're even emptier than before and you open your eyes to the wreckage of your selfishness. That's when you start questioning your sanity: do I have a problem? Am I addicted to this ridiculously ludicrous thing???

The answer is yes. You have a problem. You're addicted. Now, what are you going to do about it?

You can't fall back and time after time embrace the longing, the desire because you'll never be free. You'll be the victim of your own doing. But finding the strength to let go is just so hard!

Here's where the good news comes swooping in to save us from our misery: Jesus is here to help you! Ultimately, the price of sin (addiction is a sin, sorry) is an eternal death in hell. Excuse the depressing note, but it's true. But, here's that good news I was promising:

Romans 8:12- "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death."

And not only has He saved us, He also gives us the strength to stop!

Psalm 18:32-36- "It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights. He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You give me your shield of victory; and your right hand sustains me; you stoop down to make me great. You broaden the path beneath me, so that my ankles do not turn."

Life is hard and temptation won't suddenly forget where you live. It'll come knocking on many occasions, but you have the means to stop it. You can say NO. It'll be excruciating at first, but when you learn to give it up, the sweet high of success is better than any high a drug can supply.

Good luck, my fellow addicts. Stay strong! God bless us all!

Jasmyntjie

Jasmyn bloei in die lente

En bot in die warm son.

Jasmyn fluister al haar wense

Vir die skaduwee van ou Sonneblom.

Jasmyn word vertrap onder die gewig

En haar liefde word verwaai deur die wind.

Waar dit jou aangesig,

Jou hart, eendag sal vind.

Jasmyntjie sterf ‘n eensame dood,

Met die reuk van liefde wat hang in die lug…

Maansverduistering - Eloïse Jordaan

Die honger wind huil om die hoeke
En die wolke kruip weg in hul nagskleed
Ek swerf en my rustelose soeke
Na die maan is al wat ek weet

Op die horison loer die maan
Sy skoonheid oorrompel die blinde naglug
Hier in die donker sal ek bly staan
Totdat hy vir my helderheid vlug

Soos ons skadu's ontmoet, verdwyn die kans

En word alles in donker gehul

Die musiek, die wind, word stil

En al wat oor is, is die wolke wat oor my trane dans.